3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My room smells like vodka and shame
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
