You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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