literally had 100 drinks last night.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
