Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
