I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
