I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
