wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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