I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
