You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
