FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize