i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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