I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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