So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize