girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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