Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
