You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
