I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
