I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
