I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
