I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
