oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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