I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
