And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
