ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
