So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
