woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
