ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
