I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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