im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
