the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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