do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
