We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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