My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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