Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
