New invention idea: vibrating tampons
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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