shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
