careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize