Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
