even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
