I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
