We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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