I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
