last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
