if i can run in heels then i can drive
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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