Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
