apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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