remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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