make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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