after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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