Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
