I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
