8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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