Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
