I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I have already put on my inside pants.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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