You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
