they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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