Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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