We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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