The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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