It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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