So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
