Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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