ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
