Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
