One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
