She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
