There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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