let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
