If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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