I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
