The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
