My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Your penis caused this!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
