Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
what is it with giant penises always finding me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
