Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize