can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
