pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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