Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
