Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
