Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
