You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
