She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
