I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
