any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
