Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
