I must be too annoying 4 u.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
