It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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