I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's shark week go big or go home
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
