yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
