I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I AM VODKA MAN
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
