If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
