you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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