I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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