She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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