Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
