wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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