He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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