I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize