He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
