naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
