the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
