turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
