the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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